A Thimble in Their Game ~ Donald Hubbard
“With no other official business to conduct, the annual shareholders' meeting of Hasbro hereby comes to a close.”
“Wait! No! There is more business to conduct!”
The Thimble, a Monopoly board game piece since 1935, angrily rolled and somersaulted down the aisle, until someone charitably picked it up and placed it on the dais.
“You shareholders have been getting rich off me for decades, and now you are throwing me to the curb. I am calling BS on this!”
A calm balding man, resembling Mr. Monopoly himself with his white flowing mustache, walked to the podium to explain what had happened.
“None of us in this room wanted you to go Ms. Thimble…”
“That’s Mr. Thimble, I’m a guy, I’ve been around since 1935 and you did not even know that?”
“I am sorry Mr. Thimble, you must admit that with thimbles it is hard to tell. In any event, we crowdsourced the idea of replacing a game piece to the public and they voted you out. I was surprised that it happened, I quite like you.”
“Thanks for patronizing me, but you did not have to crowdsource anything to anybody, you just palmed off a decision to others that you did not have the balls to make yourself.”
“I agree with everything you just said, but the public is the consumer, the people who buy our product, and if the game is not modernized, it will go the way of bridge or pinochle. Then there will be no Monopoly for anyone to play and all of the pieces will be out of work.”
“But the thimble is the best piece on the board, it never falls over and it is easy to grab.”
“But very few people in daily life use thimbles anymore. To be blunt, you are quaint but not sexy. No one meets a thimble in a bar and gets it drunk and takes it home for a night of passion.”
“No one ever did that you idiot!”
“I was speaking metaphorically. And incidentally, you are indignant now that you have been voted off the board game, but I did not hear your voice rise in anger when we got rid of the cannon or iron or purse game pieces.”
“Those pieces were boring or they fell over too easily.”
“And a thimble is exciting?”
“It isn’t fair, I helped make this game great and I was left without even receiving a going away party or a gold watch. You talk about making America great again, then you toss one of its most enduring symbols.”
“You’re through Thimble. Take it up with Bernie Sanders. We have been adding and subtracting game pieces in Monopoly since the 1950’s, shifting the manufacture of the pieces overseas decades ago, and you said nothing. Maybe had you stuck up for other pieces, the public may have gotten behind you and declared you national monuments or some such nonsense. But you stayed silent, with no friends left to mourn your loss.
Lee Allen Hill is just a leftover hippie with a penchant for word-slinging.