Fake Voting ~ Donald Hubbard
President Trump did not lie when he claimed that Hillary sent up voters from Massachusetts to New Hampshire to vote for her. I know this because I was one of them, a volunteer who first cast my ballot in the morning in Boston, then was shipped up over the border to help Hillary eke out some more electoral votes. This is my story.
In the summer of 2016, a security guard at Nordstroms apprehended me as I attempted to shoplift a handsome pair of Ivanka Trump brand boots there. Before the police came to cart me away in the Paddy wagon, a nice gentleman came and straightened out the matter with the store’s shift manager. Nordstroms agreed not to press charges against me. The nice gentleman convinced me to participate in a scam to vote multiple times in the upcoming presidential election for Hillary Clinton.
I voted in Boston as soon as the polls opened, then a We Think We Can® bus pulled up to the curb and opened its doors. The driver smiled and asked me to come aboard. We were going to Nashua, New Hampshire.
I hesitated. “We Think We Can®? Aren’t you the guys that the government kept shutting down for safety violations? Don’t these things spontaneously combust?”
The driver answered, “You’re right, but the Clinton campaign commandeered their fleet, so get in, and get your lunch voucher to Applebees.”
It all seemed so legit, a nice woman inside that looked like Jeff Sessions handed me my Applebees voucher, a bottle of Thunderbird fortified wine and a brief bio of the dead person in Nashua on whose behalf I was going to vote for Hillary Clinton. I asked about hookers and the woman winked at me and smiled.
So I sat down with the other goblins on the bus and began to pour my Thunderbird fortified wine into a Dixie cup. I thought that they had stopped brewing this crap decades ago, but there it was, 17.5 alcohol by content. I, too, became content.
The easiest part of the day was the voting. The We Think We Can® bus dumped us off in the voting precinct where our dead alter egos once resided. After getting off the bus at each stop, the fraudulent voters all threw up then voted for Hillary as the bus driver extinguished the flames emanating from the engine. I was so drunk I almost voted for Trump, but I don’t think anyone can be that drunk.
After we all had illegally voted, the bus took us back to Boston, and I discovered that they welched on providing hookers to us. I complained, but the nice lady from the Clinton campaign threatened to fink on me, so I caved. Plus, she told me about this basement of a pizza joint in D.C. in exchange for my silence.
Until now I have stayed mum, but the Trump people started coming around my house offering me Annie’s Green Springs. In the interests of making America great again, I caved.
The author insists this fictional account is all in fun. Ask his lawyer. -N.K.
Originally from Georgia, Katharine W. Folkes is a "converted" Texan, enjoying "everythang" but the heat. She has had stories published in Highlights for Children and Cricket Magazines, in an anthology, Summer Shorts and my book, The Worst Five Months Ever, a middle grade book about bullying is available online through Barnes & Noble and Amazon. She is a member of the Society of Children's Books Writers and Illustrators.