FOUR ILL-ADVISED RESUME OBJECTIVES ~Gael DeRoane
1. To have my own cubicle, decorated exactly how I want it!
2. To become the general of a zombie army.
3. To erase the stigma of being related to one of America’s most fiendish serial killers. (Mother’s maiden name upon request)
4. To cut a bloody swathe through the deadwood of middle management and the nodding-in-their-chairs executive vice-presidents as I rise to the top of your corporation.
HOW TO PLAY WINNING BASKETBALL (FOURTH GRADE LEVEL) ~ Gael DeRoane
Take hands out of pockets.
Jump up and down and scream at teammate for ball.
When ball hits you in the face, do not cry. (If it breaks your glasses, you are allowed to cry.)
If ball is loose, dive on it and assume fetal position.
When ball is taken from you, drift underneath the basket.
When ball bounces off opponent’s head, grab ball and throw it in the air.
When ball goes in the wrong basket, apologize to coach. (Do not cry.)
Take peanut butter & jelly sandwich out of pocket, place on bench.
Apologize to coach when he sits on peanut butter & jelly sandwich.
Always ask to cover the fat kid.
Originally from Georgia, Katharine W. Folkes is a "converted" Texan, enjoying "everythang" but the heat. She has had stories published in Highlights for Children and Cricket Magazines, in an anthology, Summer Shorts and my book, The Worst Five Months Ever, a middle grade book about bullying is available online through Barnes & Noble and Amazon. She is a member of the Society of Children's Books Writers and Illustrators.