I believe Canada has its own Thanksgiving Day . . . when they celebrate “We’re not fifty-one! We’re not fifty-one!" Can you blame them? – L. Oliver Bright
STUFFING, THE UN-DRESSING
I believe more food is wasted on Thanksgiving than any other day of he year (I have no scientific proof, but it stands to reason). Why? Thanksgiving Dinner has become too convenient, too easy to come by and too cardboard to truly enjoy. Just look at the quality of the typical holiday meal we give thanks for. We buy turkey by the pound . . . and pay for it the same way. Butterball is to Thanksgiving what Hallmark is to Valentine’s Day . . . hey, we lick the envelope, right? And if we’ll let our tongues slurp glue in the name of love, what won’t we tolerate in the name of thankfulness? Besides, gravy covers a multitude of sins … as well as the table cloth. It’s a good thing, too. Look at the other mediocrity that graces our table. ‘Dressing’ and ‘stuffing’ are geographically-specific terms for breadcrumbs and sage. Ever-versatile potatoes are mashed! Mashed potatoes are the Plain Jane of every Thanksgiving Table. A tuber injustice! Neither are candied yams as toothsome as advertised. Then there are the veggies. I believe green bean casserole is the new definition of ubiquitous. Indian pudding should be sent back to Calcutta . . . with our deepest thanks. (Oh. It’s not…? Well, thanks, Mom.) And all foods named ‘squash’ need new P.R. firms. I believe tryptophan is a myth. It’s all that heavy fork-lifting that puts us to sleep (and watching the Detroit Lions). And I don’t care what Dunkin Donuts says, I believe pumpkin pie and coffee should remain separate food groups. But no matter what fuels it, I believe Thanksgiving is too much about the turkey, and not enough about Al Roker enjoying the Macy’s Parade. Of course, if Benjamin Franklin had had his way, and the turkey had become our national bird, we all might have been eating bald eagle yesterday.